Tag: greek mythology

Mythology Monday: The Life And Times Of Atalanta, Baddest Bitch

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So, the roster of Greek heroes is a bit of a sausage fest. There aren’t very many women in those lofty ranks, which makes sense when you remember that ancient Greece wasn’t super woman-friendly. However, that doesn’t mean that there weren’t a handful of women who were allowed to kick ass and take names.

We’re going to talk about one of the more well-known of those ass-kicking women today: Atalanta.

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Mythology Monday: Pandora

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So, this week I’m tackling a tale that also came from the whole Prometheus debacle, that tale being the one of Pandora. This is actually one of the more well-known tales, so much so that there’s a music streaming service named after her.

Also, before we begin I want to note that most of the info for this myth comes from the poet Hesiod, who had a dim view on women, Then again, ancient Greece in general had a dim view of women, so here we are.

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Mythology Mondy: Zeus Turns Into A Bull To Get His Dick Wet

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So, there are a handful of Greek myths where Zeus turns himself into an animal to get with some lady. This is one of them

So we start out with this Phoenician princess named Europa. Now Europa is super, super gorgeous, and one day she attracts the notice of Zeus while she’s chilling on a beach somwhere. Since Zeus’s main defining feature is a chronic inability to keep it in his pants, he decides that he really needs to bone down with her.

Zeus then comes up with a cunning plan. A cunning plan that involves turning himself into a white bull.

He then goes and hangs out in Europa’s dad’s herd for a while, and then just kinda waits. Eventually, Europa comes by and sees the Zeus-bull, and then thinks it might be a good idea to ride it. Not, you know, sexually, but like you’d ride a horse.

So she jumps on the bull’s back, and the bull carries her off to Crete, where he reveals himself as Zeus. He then sets about seducing her. I use the term seduce very, very loosely here, because Zeus isn’t really known for taking no for an answer. Either way, Europa has three kids by him: Minos, whose wife would go on to fuck her own bull; Rhadamanthys, who becomes a judge in the underworld, and the warrior Sarpedon.

Zeus then leaves her with three gifts: a super-rad javelin, a bronze bodyguard, and a dog. Europa would eventually go on to marry the Cretan king Asterius, who adopted her three demigod kids as his own. So things ended up pretty well for her, which is a nice change of pace from how most of Zeus’s flings go.

Side note, I find Zeus turning into a bull to seduce Minos’s mom pretty funny, considering what Minos’s own wife would eventually do.