Mythology Monday: The Time Thor Wore A Dress

lay of thrym

Welcome back to Mythology Monday! Today, I’m going to talk about yet another Norse myth. This one involves Thor crossdressing in a bid to get his stolen hammer back. To be fair, I’ve seen dudes crossdress for less.

So the story begins, as you can probably glean from the introduction, with Thor one day realizing that his hammer, Mjolnir, has gone missing. He goes to confront Loki, assuming that he took it. Which is fair.

Loki assures Thor that he doesn’t have the hammer, and this time it’s actually the truth. He does, however, graciously offer to go off and try to find the hammer, and to this end, borrows Freya’s magic feathered cloak so he can fly around a bit.

So, Loki’s gone for a little while, and comes back. He’s like, “I have good news, bad news, and worse news.”

Thor responds, “OK. What’s the good news?”

“The good news is I’ve found your hammer.”

“And the bad news?”

“Thrym, the lord of the giants, took it, and buried it ridiculously deep in some undisclosed location.”

“OK, that’s not great. What’s the worse news?”

“He won’t go and dig it up unless he gets to marry Freya.”

Freya’s like, “Seriously? This shit again?” To which Thor responds, “Guess there’s nothing for it. Congratulations, Freya.”

Freya’s all like, “Oh, Hel no,” and the gods convene to try and figure out how to get the hammer back. It’s then that Heimdall comes up with a solution to this little problem: disguise Thor as Freya and get the hammer back that way.

Thor, as you can imagine, doesn’t really want anythng to do with this plan. Then Loki points out that it’s the best one they have unless they all want to be murdered by an enraged goddess.

So, Thor’s all dolled up in a wedding dress, veil, and Freya’s pendant, while Loki physically transforms himself into a woman so he (she?) can pretend to be “Freya’s” maid. Loki then tells Thor to let him do all the talking, because if Thor opens his manly, manly mouth his voice will give the whole thing away.

So they make the journey to Jotunheim, where they are greeted by an extremely enthusiastic Thrym. They sit down to eat, and Thrym is surprised that “Freya” can eat so much. Loki handwaves this away with, “Oh, she was so excited to come that she didn’t eat for eight days.”

Thrym’s like, “OK. How about a kiss, then?” He leans forward to kiss “her,” and is surprised by Thor’s fierce eyes. Loki responds, “Oh, um, she also didn’t sleep for 8 days.”

Thrym, somehow, buys this, and declares that Mjolnir be brought out to be placed on the “bride’s” lap, to bless the union. This is, of course, exactly what Thor was waiting for, and he proceeds to use the aforementioned hammer to murder then entire wedding party.

And the moral of the story is that stealing is wrong, kids.

(So, fun fact: I have yet another patron, Tina Molski! Thanks Tina! You are literally my sister. And awesome.

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