Welcome back to Mythology Mondays! Today I shall relate the tale of the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet, or how beer saved the world.
So, the head deity of the Egyptian pantheon, at first, was the sun god Ra. While a lot of deities in Egypt took the form of animals (or, rather, animal-headed people), Ra was pretty much just a dude. And, of course, a problem with being just a dude is that dudes eventually get old.
And people were making fun of Ra for being old.
This would not stand. So Ra ends up creating a new goddess, Sekhmet. Who has a lion-head. Which is honestly pretty terrifying.
Now, being a goddess of destruction, Sekhmet is mostly responsible for fucking everyone’s shit up. Which she has no problem with, since it gives her access to her favorite beverage: blood.
So she’s running around, doing her thing, and Ra is pretty happy about her fucking up all the mortals who decided to talk shit about him. Unfortunately, Sekhmet starts to take it just a little too far, and the gods realize that if they keep letting her run amok, pretty soon they’re gonna run out of worshipers.
This is not ideal, so Ra decides to go and ask her nicely to stop killing everyone please. Sekhmet, however, is like, “OK, I have a better idea: you just keep letting me keep killing everyone and just stay out of my way.”
Since that didn’t work, Ra decides to come up with something a bit sneakier, and gets some messengers to get together a metric fuckton of red dye and beer. He mixes them together, and voila! Instant fake blood.
He puts buckets of red beer near the place where Sekhmet’s going to do her killing for the day. Sekhmet, seeing absolutely nothing suspicious about this, just goes “Hey, free blood!” and starts going to town.
As you can probably imagine, Sekhmet gets pretty shitfaced. She gets so shitfaced, in fact, that she becomes an an entirely different goddess: either the cat-headed Bastet or the cow-headed Hathor, depending on who you ask. At any rate, Operation: Get Sekhmet To Stop Killing Everyone is a success.
As for Ra, in the face of this rather monumental fuckup, he decides that maybe it’s time for him to step down and let the younger deities rule for a bit.
And the moral of the story is that there is no problem so insurmountable that it cannot be solved by alcohol.
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